Thursday, November 3, 2011

Baby, Baby, Baby, BABY?!

Star, the most reliable news source there is, says Justin Bieber is a daddy. I'm sure you know this, but in case you live under a rock, Mariah Yeater is claiming that she and the Biebs made their bieby after a concert in California last year.

Personally, I don't know why everyone is so upset. I mean, the Biebs was clearly doing research. He currently brings a fan on stage to sing to her, but how long will that satisfy Beliebers? I mean, it is kind of childish. I think he was just researching the next audience participation activity for forthcoming concerts which promise to be more adult:

One lucky fan will be brought on stage and impregnated by Justin Bieber while he sings "Baby!"

Rumor has it that the Biebs will have finished by the end of the first verse, but I'm sure the fan will have passed out from ecstasy anyways.

Also, can we discuss how this Mariah Yeater girl (19 to Bieber's 16 at the time of the incident) is an idiot? She basically went to the court and said "I raped Justin Bieber." I've never seen someone work so hard to get a jail sentence.

She is also probably fearing for her life right now. Has she never heard of Beliebers? Fox, another fantastic news source, is reporting death threats against Yeater. Made via Twitter.

Kayla also believes that this child, the aforementioned bieby, may also be the second coming of the sweet baby Jesus. As she points out, "He was born unto the Virgin Bieber."

20 comments:

  1. It's been reported that she was 19 and he was 17, which is legal in CA, when it happened.

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  2. The age of consent in California is 18 (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ages_of_consent_in_North_America#California). And the incident would have happened in October 2010 if the baby is 3 months old. Bieber just turned 17 in March 2011 and would have therefore been 16 at the time.

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  3. Section 261.5.
    (b) Any person who engages in an act of unlawful sexual intercourse with a minor who is not more than three years older or three years younger than the perpetrator, is guilty of a misdemeanor.
    (c) Any person who engages in an act of unlawful sexual intercourse with a minor who is more than three years younger than the perpetrator is guilty of either a misdemeanor or a felony, and shall be punished by imprisonment in a county jail not exceeding one year, or by imprisonment in the state prison.

    (d) Any person 21 years of age or older who engages in an act of unlawful sexual intercourse with a minor who is under 16 years of age is guilty of either a misdemeanor or a felony, and shall be punished by imprisonment in a county jail not exceeding one year, or by imprisonment in the state prison for two, three, or four years.

    Yes the legal age for consent is 18, but they don't USUALLY prosecute until one of the above. I'm from CA, trust me. ;) LOL
    As for his age at the time well I read a story from a different source and they reported he was 17 and she was 19. So she wouldn't be in trouble if that were true. So I guess they were wrong on that age part. So my bad on that one.

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  4. If you really want to get this serious on a satirical blog, I will play along.

    Please reread your own "(b)." It clearly states that if she was 19 and he was 16 (an age difference which is "not more than three years"), she would be guilty of a misdemeanor. It would be worse if the age difference were greater, but it's still a crime. And, as you said that "they don't USUALLY prosecute until one of the above," they would then be more likely to prosecute as one of those criteria HAS been met. Also, a lawyer from California said they are more likely to prosecute in this case because they don't want it to look like they are giving special treatment to a woman (usually a man is the guilty party in a rape case) or a celebrity.

    And his age thing is just simple math, but wouldn't be obvious if you were unaware of the details (I, for instance, didn't know that Bieber's birthday was in March until I looked it up).

    Now, can we just be friends and talk about puppies and bunnies? Oh and kitties: http://imgur.com/gallery/FogPi

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  5. Oh and can we also acknowledge how it probably didn't happen at all anyways? Maybe you didn't catch the sarcasm in my text when I called Star "the most reliable news source there is." Next Star will be saying that I'm straight.

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  6. Or baby dolphins! http://i.dailymail.co.uk/i/pix/2010/11/08/article-1327551-0BF4CAFE000005DC-170_964x673.jpg

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  7. No I'm admitting fault about the age thing. Stating if you are correct about the age, then she would be in trouble. Sorry I wasn't clear about that. & yes if it did happen. LOL which I'm totally hoping that it did. LMAO!

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  8. Oh and I like bunnies! I used to have bunnies when I was little! They're so cute!

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  9. To be honest...I'm kind of hoping it did happen too. I don't know why, but it would be so scandalous!

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  10. And Kayla, why do we not have a baby dolphin living in one of our bath tubs yet?

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  11. PS: I hope it happened too, just because Selena Gomez would probably turn into Godzilla and kill some bitches. That would rock.

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  12. If we're hoping that it is Bieber's, does this mean we're hoping that it's the next baby Jesus as well? Because i don't know if I'm okay with that. For some reason a Jesus who is also part Biebs chills me to my very core.

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  13. Yeah, I'd have to agree with you. But you couldn't really blame the sweet baby Jesus. I mean maybe he's just trying to be more mainstream so as to appeal to a younger generation?

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  14. But at what cost Mike? What cost???

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  15. I laughed so hard at this that Diet Coke came out of my nose. THANKS! LOL xD

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  16. Don't you want to take the sweet baby Bieber Jesus as your lord, savior, and...BABY BABY BABY!?!

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  17. I would seriously think about testing him for Antichrist DNA first...

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  18. More words of wisdom from my then-9-year-old: "Mom! What is UP with the girls at school and this Justin Bieber thing?! I don't get it! His music isn't even GOOD!" Out of the mouths of babes, I tell you... LOL. That kid makes me proud in a hundred million ways. LOL.

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