Tuesday, November 15, 2011

Birthdays, "Toothpaste" Stains, & Empty Beds

This past weekend Mike and I celebrated our birthdays. Mine was the 10th and his was the 11th. We figure we're just SUCH good friends that we were destined to have almost the same birthday. Except he's 364 days older than me. And I never let him forget it. =D

To celebrate this momentous occasion, we decided to rent a hotel in downtown Milwaukee and party all weekend. We got a room with two queen beds. Mike was booking the hotel and jokingly asked if we should just get one king bed so we could snuggle, and I laughed and said, "No way. We need two queen beds for two queens!"

When we got to the hotel we were amazed at how freaking huge our room was. We could have had a rave in there. And we were super excited that we had a sleeper sofa too. Hello! Three beds?! That's like a whole extra bed we didn't even have to pay for! Plus we had five pillows each! FIVE! THAT'S SO MANY PILLOWS!!!

Once we got over the general excitement of "Yay! We're staying at a hotel! Someone else is going to make the beds and clean up after us!" we began to find little gross souvenirs from the past.

I noticed the first one on the bedskirt of Mike's bed. I started laughing hysterically and when Mike looked at me like I was out of my damn mind I managed to choke out, "Um...HAHAHA...there's a...HAHA...stain...on your bedskirt....AHHHAHAHAHAHA!"

I won't get into the details, but it was a white-ish sort of stain. We can call it a "toothpaste" stain for the sake of propriety. And just in case you were wondering, NEITHER OF US HAD ANYTHING TO DO WITH IT.

We pulled out the sofa bed, just for the hell of it, and the mattress was so stained I refused to touch it.

I thought we were in the clear after that, but we found another "gift" when we got home from the bar. I pulled back my sheets to climb into bed and found a GIGANTIC brown stain on the side of the fitted sheet. I'm really really hoping it was coffee. But I was kind of drunk and very tired so I was like, "Whatever. I'll have them put a new sheet on tomorrow. I'll just sleep on the other side of the bed." I did accidentally touch it with my foot and had to immediately disinfect my skin with Purel.

Now, getting away from the gross and on to the funny. Remember how Mike and I got two beds so we each could have our own? Well we both woke up on Saturday morning HANGING OFF the edge of each of our beds as if we were trying to get closer to each other while we slept. Our strange little codependency has become SUBCONSCIOUS now. This shit is not normal.

Then that night after we got back from the bar I could tell that we both wanted to sleep in the same bed but neither of us wanted to admit it. So I jokingly said, "Haha I should come join you in your bed!" And Mike said, "Do you want to?" And I said, "YES!" And that's how we ended up sharing ONE bed in a room with three beds.

Seriously, though, we just don't like to be alone! Plus I think Mike likes to keep me nearby so I can protect him from any zombie/penguin attacks. You guys don't know this about me, but I'm kind of a badass.


  1. Listen: everybody and their mom has a zombie plan nowadays, but no one has a penguin plan. Penguins are arguably a bigger threat because they exist right now, just swimming, waddling, and plotting. I'm just saying. Oh, also: Happy birthday!

  2. Just do you know... My birthday's the 12th... So. You know. If you ever want someone to fill the skanky stained third bed, I'm not that fussy and I like holidays.

  3. @Emily Let's not even THINK about that. How terrifying. =/

    @Janel I still refuse to believe that penguins are going to threaten the human race. They don't even have arms! And we can run faster than them! So not worried. Also: Thank you! =D

    @plumsauce10 That skanky stained bed is ALL YOURS! =D Happy Birthday!