Birthdays, "Toothpaste" Stains, & Empty Beds

This past weekend Mike and I celebrated our birthdays. Mine was the 10th and his was the 11th. We figure we're just SUCH good friends that we were destined to have almost the same birthday. Except he's 364 days older than me. And I never let him forget it. =D

To celebrate this momentous occasion, we decided to rent a hotel in downtown Milwaukee and party all weekend. We got a room with two queen beds. Mike was booking the hotel and jokingly asked if we should just get one king bed so we could snuggle, and I laughed and said, "No way. We need two queen beds for two queens!"

When we got to the hotel we were amazed at how freaking huge our room was. We could have had a rave in there. And we were super excited that we had a sleeper sofa too. Hello! Three beds?! That's like a whole extra bed we didn't even have to pay for! Plus we had five pillows each! FIVE! THAT'S SO MANY PILLOWS!!!

Once we got over the general excitement of "Yay! We're staying at a hotel! Someone else is going to make the beds and clean up after us!" we began to find little gross souvenirs from the past.

I noticed the first one on the bedskirt of Mike's bed. I started laughing hysterically and when Mike looked at me like I was out of my damn mind I managed to choke out, "Um...HAHAHA...there's a...HAHA...stain...on your bedskirt....AHHHAHAHAHAHA!"

I won't get into the details, but it was a white-ish sort of stain. We can call it a "toothpaste" stain for the sake of propriety. And just in case you were wondering, NEITHER OF US HAD ANYTHING TO DO WITH IT.

We pulled out the sofa bed, just for the hell of it, and the mattress was so stained I refused to touch it.

I thought we were in the clear after that, but we found another "gift" when we got home from the bar. I pulled back my sheets to climb into bed and found a GIGANTIC brown stain on the side of the fitted sheet. I'm really really hoping it was coffee. But I was kind of drunk and very tired so I was like, "Whatever. I'll have them put a new sheet on tomorrow. I'll just sleep on the other side of the bed." I did accidentally touch it with my foot and had to immediately disinfect my skin with Purel.

Now, getting away from the gross and on to the funny. Remember how Mike and I got two beds so we each could have our own? Well we both woke up on Saturday morning HANGING OFF the edge of each of our beds as if we were trying to get closer to each other while we slept. Our strange little codependency has become SUBCONSCIOUS now. This shit is not normal.

Then that night after we got back from the bar I could tell that we both wanted to sleep in the same bed but neither of us wanted to admit it. So I jokingly said, "Haha I should come join you in your bed!" And Mike said, "Do you want to?" And I said, "YES!" And that's how we ended up sharing ONE bed in a room with three beds.

Seriously, though, we just don't like to be alone! Plus I think Mike likes to keep me nearby so I can protect him from any zombie/penguin attacks. You guys don't know this about me, but I'm kind of a badass.

Our Big Fat Gay Bromance

Mike likes to use sexual innuendo with me fairly often. I usually just stare at him, blink a few times, and pretend it didn't happen. Then we go back to our regularly scheduled nonsense.

Example:

Kayla: (agreeing to some plans Mike proposed) Okie dokie.

Mike: I'll okie your dokie. ;)

Kayla: ;) Promises Promises.

Mike: =/ I love you, but ew.

Kayla: =/ I know, right?

See, I've never been remotely attracted to Mike because I knew he was gay before I met him. He immediately went into the "friends" box because I don't like to waste my time romancing the unromanceable. But Mike and I have this really strange relationship where we flirt with each other, go out on dates, and cuddle. The other day we were both exhausted and all we wanted to do was go sleep in the same bed together. It's sick. It's strange. And I don't know how we're ever going to survive without each other.

I mentioned to Mike that it's like we have a bromance except for the fact that we're not bros.

Just think about it. I know you've seen some real bros out there that just freaking love each other. If they weren't so afraid of looking gay they'd probably snuggle and go on movie dates just like Mike and me. The only difference is that with us, Mike's gay and I'm a girl. When we go places people just probably think I'm an idiot who doesn't realize that my boyfriend likes dudes. I'm fine with that.

Honestly, I just love having someone who will cut a bitch if they mess with me and not expect sexual favors in return. I might honestly be single forever, simply because Mike treats me so well. I'm spoiled. And I'm okay with that. If my gay best friend treats me like a princess, I'd better expect someone I'm in a romantic relationship with to treat me like a queen. Creepers, losers, and assholes need not apply.