Wednesday, September 28, 2011

Our Big Fat Gay Bromance

Mike likes to use sexual innuendo with me fairly often. I usually just stare at him, blink a few times, and pretend it didn't happen. Then we go back to our regularly scheduled nonsense.

Example:

Kayla: (agreeing to some plans Mike proposed) Okie dokie.

Mike: I'll okie your dokie. ;)

Kayla: ;) Promises Promises.

Mike: =/ I love you, but ew.

Kayla: =/ I know, right?

See, I've never been remotely attracted to Mike because I knew he was gay before I met him. He immediately went into the "friends" box because I don't like to waste my time romancing the unromanceable. But Mike and I have this really strange relationship where we flirt with each other, go out on dates, and cuddle. The other day we were both exhausted and all we wanted to do was go sleep in the same bed together. It's sick. It's strange. And I don't know how we're ever going to survive without each other.

I mentioned to Mike that it's like we have a bromance except for the fact that we're not bros.

Just think about it. I know you've seen some real bros out there that just freaking love each other. If they weren't so afraid of looking gay they'd probably snuggle and go on movie dates just like Mike and me. The only difference is that with us, Mike's gay and I'm a girl. When we go places people just probably think I'm an idiot who doesn't realize that my boyfriend likes dudes. I'm fine with that.

Honestly, I just love having someone who will cut a bitch if they mess with me and not expect sexual favors in return. I might honestly be single forever, simply because Mike treats me so well. I'm spoiled. And I'm okay with that. If my gay best friend treats me like a princess, I'd better expect someone I'm in a romantic relationship with to treat me like a queen. Creepers, losers, and assholes need not apply.

18 comments:

  1. You know, my husband treats me really well ... I am now afraid he's a gay man who just happens to like vagina.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Don't worry. No respectable gay man would like va-...va-... No respectable gay man would like THAT.

    ReplyDelete
  3. That's awesome. My two best girlfriends (who would both snuggle, etc) both live 4 states away. It's awesome to have friends like that, but even better to have them NEARBY!

    ReplyDelete
  4. You know, I love you two ... and think this is a perfect summary of your relationship. I think of you two as a package deal ;)

    ♥ Jessica

    ReplyDelete
  5. @Betty Fokker Oh great, so Mike just thinks your husband is a disrespectable (this is definitely not a word) gay man. Isn't he the sweetest?

    @Mandarin Designs Mike and I live an hour away from each other and even THAT is tortuous at times. I can't imagine being 4 states away. =(

    @Jessica We love you too! =) And I appreciate that you nurture our strange little codependency. You're one of the few people that doesn't seem to be overwhelmed by us! <3

    ReplyDelete
  6. Holy sweet goddamn, I just found you guys after reading The Bloggess' post, and I'm pretty sure this is my new favorite blog. Please keep being awesome.

    ReplyDelete
  7. You're hilarious. Do you think that if I (a guy who likes girls) had a relationship with a gay woman we could work out the same kind of system you two have going? Let's be honest though: my maleness being my maleness, I probably couldn't NOT become interested in her. Especially if the woman was Rachel Maddow. Yow.

    ReplyDelete
  8. @Janel Awesome! Welcome to our crazy world. I'm pretty sure you're my new favorite reader. For now, anyway. I like to stir up a little competition from time to time. ;)

    @Brian Schroeder Thank you! Given your extreme tendency to be overtly male, this would probably only work if the lesbian in question was extremely unattractive. Or your sister. Unless you're into that sort of thing. To each his own, I suppose. =/

    ReplyDelete
  9. OMG, I love you all so much. I just want to put you all in a jar on my desk!

    ReplyDelete
  10. He means that in a non-creepy way. I think. Better lock your doors and windows just in case though.

    ReplyDelete
  11. I heart the bloggess and now you. You remind me of me and my BFF Kelly, who is a gay man trapped in a woman's body. I say this because she sleeps with men, knows every Showtune ever written and is utterly fabulous. Keep being awesome.

    ReplyDelete
  12. The plot thickens in the "maybe my hubby is a gay man with a vagina fetish". I've been assured by gay friends that I am a large black drag queen trapped in a white woman's body ... so my husband is banging the vagina of a black drag queen. I am so confused now. *runs away weeping, only to find hubby in a jar on Mike's desk*

    ReplyDelete
  13. I wish everyone would stop acting like this jar is such a bad thing. For Pete's sake, I'm gay, it'll be a VERY nice jar! I'll probably even bedazzle the lid.

    ReplyDelete
  14. @Laura in HB That makes sense I'm probably a gay man trapped in a woman's body. Mike's actually a unicorn trapped in a gay man's body.

    @bettyfokker What a tangled web you weave.

    Mike, do you have a shrink ray I don't know about? Or are these just really large jars? Inquiring minds, and all that jazz.

    ReplyDelete
  15. Oooh, I'm a unicorn! YAY!

    And you'll know soon enough, love.

    ReplyDelete
  16. Kayka, has anyone ever hit on your boyfriend when you've been on a date? Anyone ever tell you that your boyfriend might be gay?

    ReplyDelete
  17. I've always thought I was a horny straight dude trapped in a woman's body. Wow, are we an interesting group of people, eh?! LOL.

    ReplyDelete
  18. HAHA! It's amazing what comes out of the woodwork!!

    ReplyDelete