Tuesday, December 6, 2011

"I don't even know why she likes pie. You can't eat pie with chopsticks." - Kayla

When Kayla asked me to guest blog on Mike&Kayla (primarily because I was complaining how BORED I was at work. Seriously. The day before Thanksgiving? No one is getting anything done. Don’t lie to yourselves), my reaction went a little like this…

YAY! I’m so honored. What should I write about? I’ll just be funny. What if I’m not funny? Oh god, I’M NOT FUNNY. I’m crippling under the pressure. I CAN’T DO THIS!!

It’s okay. She reassured me by telling me that the entire innerwebz was relying on me and the tubes would fall apart if I failed. Some friend.

So you may know me as that random “oriental” friend that Mike & Kayla have. (Truth is, rugs are oriental. People are Asian. Mike can’t seem to grasp that one.)

Kayla made this picture for me in MS Paint. As you can see, my friends are
racist assholes. But that's why I love them.

But I’m so much more than that. I’m also German. And Irish (as my obsessive love for potatoes and whiskey can tell you).

And I have this awesome boyfriend who I refer to as “boyfriend.”

Boyfriend is very distinguished.

Boyfriend is practically my polar opposite. Where I am bouncing, dancing, skipping, or cart-wheeling everywhere I go, he is sure to be walking behind me, looking at me like I’m insane. It’s love…or something.

Last night, we went to Pick ‘N Save to stop at the RedBox to rent “Super 8” (let’s see how many brand names I can drop…). This was after I had a minor breakdown because GLEE wasn’t new this week due to the X-Factor season finale. (Seriously? No one watches that show.) Boyfriend was thrilled because he hates Glee. (See? Polar opposite.)

We decided to get some movie snacks, and as soon as we walked into the store, we were smacked in the face with $2.99 PUMPKIN PIES! How could I pass that deal up? So I picked up a pie.

Boyfriend: What are you doing?

Me: THEY’RE ONLY $2.99! LET’S BUY 2. OR 5. OR 10!!

Boyfriend: I remember this happening last Thanksgiving… (It’s true. Last year I bought a pumpkin pie because they were on sale. I’m a creature of habit.)

Me: Did you let me buy 10?!

Boyfriend: No.

Me: I’m buying it!

Boyfriend: Why do you want an ENTIRE pumpkin pie? You’re leaving to go out of town tomorrow and you’re not going to finish an entire pie before that.

Me: Because I am an ADULT. Who supports HERSELF. And I want to use my hard-earned money to buy a $2.99 pie. Let’s go find Cool WHip! (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-ScyVd-hXNk)

And so I skipped, pie in hand, to the Cool WHip section. Do people look at me like I’m crazy? Probably. Am I a 6-year-old trapped in a 23-year-old body? Most likely. But that’s how I ended up spending $2.99 on a pumpkin pie…and $3.50 on the Cool WHip topping.

I’m responsible with my money.

(I should also note that boyfriend did 5 laps of the store trying to find Teddy Grahams. He has no room to judge.)

EDIT: As of December 6, I still have over half a pumpkin pie in my refrigerator. Maybe boyfriend was right after all...


  1. "Am I a 6-year-old trapped in a 23-year-old body? Most likely."
    And this is why you've been one of my best friends since PRE SCHOOL! That is pretty much my life's motto... I'm a child stuck in an adult's body. Awesome guest post, Em! Mike&Kayla, listen up! Let her post more!

  2. Yes, sir! I mean, the more she posts the less I have to; so, why wouldn't we let her post more? Oh and she's funny too. Besides, we like to give immigrants a chance to excel.