Sunday, February 26, 2012

How to Snag a Hottie

Happy Valentine's Day!!! I'm a teeny bit late (maybe that explains the nausea...hahahaha...).  Anyways, I may or may not have been distracted by a series of shiny things, but I have regained foc

Sorry, it happened again :/ ANYWAY...I shared some great advice for snagging a hottie with Kayla on Valentine's Day and now I am sharing it with you. Let's pretend I posted this two weeks ago.

Our conversation started with a discussion about working out:

Me: I wish you didn't have night school so I could come over after work every day and we could work out! And then all the boys'd be comin' to the yard or whatever one says.

Kayla: Ghetto just isn't your thing. 

Me: The boys'd be all "Hey girl!" and I'd be like "HeeeEeey!" And they'd be like "UH, we said hey GIRL!" and I'd be like "HeeeEEeeey!" And then they'd be like "Hey girl with the boobs!" and I'd be like "HeeeEeeeey!"

[Then Kayla made a face kind of like this: >_<]

Me: And then they'd prolly shoot me cuz they want your milkshake not mine. [Guess I better add the "Hi Mom" label to this post.] But that's okay cuz I'm not available. You should ask that hottie in your class to be your valentine. You can tell him it's an assignment for your sociology class. And then in like 10 years--when you're long married--you can be like "I didn't have a sociology class."

Kayla: You should write sappy romance novels. Or Hallmark cards.

Me: And you should follow my advice.

[Then Kayla made a face kind of like this: o_O]

Kayla: I'm a fraidy cat.

Me: I know. I will give you six more weeks to feel him out, but after that I expect you to be feeling him up.

Kayla: Wahhh.

Me: Just be like "I'm sorry if I'm in your personal space, but I was drawn in by the gravity of your biceps."

Kayla: You're such a dick. I don't know how to go about getting to know this guy.

Me: Play dumb. Email him about class. Or talk to him during the break.

Kayla: He leaves during break!

Me: Follow him.

[Then Kayla made another face kind of like this: o_O]

Kayla: I'm not quite at your level of creepy.

Me: "I lost a contact and it might be on your bicep. The gravity field it creates has been known to collect small objects." Or ask for his help. Bring something really heavy to class--like a body--and ask him to help you carry it.

Kayla: "So...I accidentally murdered this hobo...can you help me toss him in the Dumpster? Thanks, babe!"

Me: Exactly!

I'm so proud of Kayla. She seems to really be beginning to understand the finer points of dating.

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