How to Snag a Hottie

Happy Valentine's Day!!!

Okay...so I'm a teeny bit late (maybe that explains the nausea...hahahaha...).  Anyways, I may or may not have been distracted by a series of shiny things, but I have regained foc

Sorry, it happened again :/ ANYWAY...I shared some great advice for snagging a hottie with Kayla on Valentine's Day and now I am sharing it with you. Let's pretend I posted this two weeks ago.

Our conversation started with a discussion about working out:

Me: I wish you didn't have night school so I could come over after work every day and we could work out! And then all the boys'd be comin' to the yard or whatever one says.

Kayla: Ghetto just isn't your thing. 

Me: The boys'd be all "Hey girl!" and I'd be like "HeeeEeey!" And they'd be like "UH, we said hey GIRL!" and I'd be like "HeeeEEeeey!" And then they'd be like "Hey girl with the boobs!" and I'd be like "HeeeEeeeey!"

[Then Kayla made a face kind of like this: >_<]

Me: And then they'd prolly shoot me cuz they want your milkshake not mine. [Guess I better add the "Hi Mom" label to this post.] But that's okay cuz I'm not available. You should ask that hottie in your class to be your valentine. You can tell him it's an assignment for your sociology class. And then in like 10 years--when you're long married--you can be like "I didn't have a sociology class."

Kayla: You should write sappy romance novels. Or Hallmark cards.

Me: And you should follow my advice.

[Then Kayla made a face kind of like this: o_O]

Kayla: I'm a fraidy cat.

Me: I know. I will give you six more weeks to feel him out, but after that I expect you to be feeling him up.

Kayla: Wahhh.

Me: Just be like "I'm sorry if I'm in your personal space, but I was drawn in by the gravity of your biceps."

Kayla: You're such a dick. I don't know how to go about getting to know this guy.

Me: Play dumb. Email him about class. Or talk to him during the break.

Kayla: He leaves during break!

Me: Follow him.

[Then Kayla made another face kind of like this: o_O]

Kayla: I'm not quite at your level of creepy.

Me: "I lost a contact and it might be on your bicep. The gravity field it creates has been known to collect small objects." Or ask for his help. Bring something really heavy to class--like a body--and ask him to help you carry it.

Kayla: "So...I accidentally murdered this hobo...can you help me toss him in the Dumpster? Thanks, babe!"

Me: Exactly!

I'm so proud of Kayla. She seems to really be beginning to understand the finer points of dating.

Michael Trevino is a god. And Bigfoots are under appreciated.

I think it's time for a new tag: NSFM. Not Safe For Mom. Hi, Mom! Hi, Kayla's Mom! This blog is one big joke, but you may want to turn back now. I would never be graphic (well...I might be a LITTLE graphic) or gross, but you still may not want to read parts of what follows. You've been warned. <3

Shall we begin?

This week I set out to create a collage of pictures of some of my favorite ripped celebrities. The purpose of this collage was to remind me why I'm working out so hard: so that can be all muscly and hot too. During my hunt for shirtless pictures, I discovered that Michael Trevino (who plays Tyler Lockwood on The Vampire Diaries) did a photo shoot for Bench Underwear. Well...soon my celebrity collage became a mostly-Michael Trevino collage. I couldn't help myself. I shared a picture with the boyfriend and said "this is my new goal body" and his response was "Is that attainable!?" To which I responded "Over time, yes." And he said "Yes, let's aim for that!" Of course by "over time" I meant "Over ten years once I win the lottery and can spend six hours per day working out." Eh, details.

(click for bigger - various sources, please do sue me!)

This discovery led to a bit of an obsession with Michael Trevino and I started following him on Twitter. Through his tweets I have learned something: Michael Trevino is a total bro. A bro who is always wearing something (hat, shirt, etc.) that says "Raised by wolves." Let me tell you what I'm raised by: pictures of Michael Trevino in underwear.

Of course now that I've said that, my mom (who probably kept reading despite the disclaimer) is going to think that my workout motivation collage is really motivation for something else.

Let's change the subject....

Last week I came up with a great idea for a TV series. I'm still working on my novel, but I would like to try my hand at TV too and I thought I had an ingenious idea! Recently my parents have revealed an obsession of their own: the Animal Planet series Finding Bigfoot. I happen to love bigfoots (and yetis as well). So I was like, "OMG! A bigfoot drama!" In this drama we will learn that bigfoots do in fact exist and that they are not only smart, but they are smarter than us! They will finally become fed up with man kind and decide to reveal themselves and subsequently take over the world. And then I had another realization: "OMG, Michael Trevino can play the lead human!"

And then I told Kayla about this idea and she responded: "So you're writing Planet of the Apes?" >_<