Thursday, October 13, 2011

How To Lose a Guy in 10 Seconds

Our friend Melissa sent me this article via Facebook one day. It essentially explains why you're not married if you want to be.

"Why you're not married." -Tracy McMillan

It's a great article and you should read it and take it to heart if you're seriously confused as to why you're still alone. It's also great for some LOLs.

I do, however, highly recommend that you skip the part where she TELLS YOU TO GET A KID BECAUSE A HUSBAND WILL FOLLOW. I couldn't make this shit up if I wanted to:

"Howevs, a good wife, even a halfway decent one, does not spend most of her day thinking about herself. She has too much s**t to do, especially after having kids. This is why you see a lot of celebrity women getting husbands after they adopt. The kids put the woman on notice: Bitch, hello! It's not all about you anymore! After a year or two of thinking about someone other than herself, suddenly, Brad Pitt or Harrison Ford comes along and decides to significantly other her. Which is also to say -- if what you really want is a baby, go get you one. Your husband will be along shortly. Motherhood has a way of weeding out the lotharios."

Yeah, nothing says "marriage material" like a single mom reeking of desperation.

But seriously guys, who wants to adopt a little cutesy from Ethiopia with me? We can just share it until we snag wealthy Brad Pitt look-a-likes. Lemme know! KTHX!


  1. WTF, really?? Umm...I guess I see the writer's point but that assumes you're ready and willing to have kids. WHAT IF I'M NOT READY FOR THAT BUT I'M STILL LONELY??

  2. I'm definitely up for an ethiopian adoption. And with us living on separate sides of the pond, the kid will be well travelled! An eight hour plane ride every weekend and alternate holidays? What kid doesn't want that??

  3. Excelllllllent!!! This isn't even REMOTELY selfish. Any kid would be lucky to be adopted by us. Those Jolie-Pitt kids are going to be clamoring to join our brood.

  4. Dude. I don't mean to brag but we would make AWESOME parents. I predict not only the brangalina lot but madonna's as well. Seriously there is nothing selfish about this. I reckon we are possibly giving too much if I'm honest.

  5. I agree, it seems a little one-sided here. I mean, what are we getting out of this? Those brats had better have some useful SKILLS we can capitalize on.

  6. Don't worry, we'll make sure they work for the joy of having us as parents. And what's more they'll want to because they love us so much.

  7. Yeah, because nothing says sex-ay like being covered in baby puke.

  8. Yup, Betty has it about right! LOL. As a divorced mom of 2, I can tell you that McMillan is wrong about this one! She makes guys sound much saintlier in that article than what I've experienced...some are just selfish enough to feel threatened that the kids are always going to come first. Well, DUH!!! Did I nurture the boyfriend in my womb for 9 months, give birth to him WITHOUT DRUGS--thank you very much!--and nurse him with my goddess-breasts? DIDN'T THINK SO. You'll get your sugar, honey, AFTER the kids' needs are met. Sheesh.

    Of course, others' mileage may vary. And I should point out that, after the last round of dating I did, I'm now pretty happily single. And when I get so freaking lonely I can hardly stand it, I go back to my last two dating experiences in particular and end up feeling SO MUCH BETTER. Life is crazy like that. LOL.