Monday, June 4, 2012

Then we saw a drug deal and now I know what I want to be when I grow up.

Oh, Vegas. How we miss it! Everyday Kayla and I come up with new reasons why we need to return immediately. The only downside to Vegas is its shady nature. As I mentioned Vegas is a very dangerous place and we saw another fine example of this on our way back to the airport on our last day there.

But, before I get to that, I would like to draw a little more attention to what an inspirational place Las Vegas is. I mentioned previously how we went to see Cirque du Soleil ¨O¨ and how spectacular it was. The show is entirely water based and totally blew me away. Well, the next day Kayla and I went to the pool and I had a spectacular idea. After recovering from drowning, I was inspired to test my limits and to determine if I was destined for a life in the water and on stage. I have a theatre background and was sure that I would be a fabulous addition to any Cirque show. Kayla and I were lounging in about four feet of water, waiting for the next wave, and I turned to her with a very simple request: ¨Throw me into the air.¨ I was ready to show the world my talents! But she just looked at me all like O_o like I was crazy or something. I clarified, ¨Just like four feet in the air. That's it." But I was met with another strange look. I pointed out that she was being a terrible friend by refusing to help me live out my dreams. She tried to counter by pointing out that she was not capable of throwing me into the air to which I took immediate offense, assuming she was calling me fat. I pointed out that the water was up past her waist and that the water always makes you stronger. She tried to say that it only works when the thing you're lifting is submerged as well, but really I think she just didn't want me to run away to join the Cirque and leave her behind.

I decided that her greediness was not worth getting upset over and let it go which was totally fine because the next day we saw Terry Fator at the Mirage and I was once again inspired. Terry Fator is a ventriloquist who won season two of America's Got Talent. I have a confession to make: I am a closet ventriloquist. I first starting doing ventriloquism when I was like 9 or so. My parents gave me a Shari Lewis and Lamb Chop video entitled Don't Wake Mom. I'm assuming the point of this video was to allow my parents thirty more minutes of sleep on Saturday morning, but it had a much more serious effect than that. I'm not sure if every kid who saw that video (or any of Shari's work) knew that she was doing ventriloquism or not, but I figured it out and fell in love with the art.  So when I said I was "sanding a wooden dowel so that's it's smooth enough for comfortable recreational use" and your mind went into the gutter (exactly what I intended), I was actually talking about the headstick control for the ventriloquist dummy that I'm working on in my basement. Because everyone builds creepy talking dolls in their basement and that is so much more normal than where your mind went, perv. Anyway, seeing Terry Fator in all his amazingness only strengthened my love for the art.  As did seeing a really bad ventriloquist get moved to the next round on the current season of America's Got Talent. So I am building myself a new friend. Partially to get famous and partially because I only have two friends and one lives in Ohio. Of course it figures that Kayla is almost as afraid of ventriloquist dummies as she is clowns. That said not only did she go to Terry Fator with me, but she is also going to see Jeff Dunham with me in August. And she's going to have to tolerate my taking my new dummy with me EVERYWHERE. But she will. Because she's a damn good friend. Either that or she's paid to chaperone me through life.

As you can see, Vegas was quite inspirational. Except for the time when our shuttle bus driver stopped the bus in heavy traffic to make a fast moving hand-to-hand exchange with a guy on the side of the road. And by "side of the road," I mean in a hotel parking lot. And by "guy" I mean "valet." He definitely wasn't tipping the valet for giving him business. Nope, it was definitely a drug deal.


  1. SHARI WAS DOING LAMB CHOPS VOICE!?!?!? Holy shit, you just changed my entire views on life.

    I am floored.

    I can't... I. Completely floored.

    I need to watch some Lamb Chop now.

  2. Yep! She did Lamp Chop, Hush Puppy, and Charlie Horse. Not sure what other characters appeared throughout her career, but those were the main ones. Puppetry is great and I have an appreciation for that, but ventriloquism just takes things to a whole new level. You have to be able to do puppetry AND talk without moving your lips AND you basically have to be able to act too since you're right up there with the puppet! I'm not a ventriloquist nerd at all, why do you ask? xD

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