Does this Smart Car make me look fat?

Mike and I rarely do anything without first asking the other's opinion on the matter. I'm fairly certain that I've been asked my opinion on which pair of undies Mike should wear, so when he has a date or something I'm never surprised when I receive picture messages of potential outfit and shoe options to weigh in on. We discuss each outfit like military generals preparing for battle.

"DIE for that sweater but is it too much for a movie date?"

"LOVE this v-neck but what if I'm all bloaty tomorrow?"

"Why in GOD'S NAME do you own CAPRIS!? I don't care if they're European. No you may not wear them! Burn them now."

I realize how vain and narcissistic we sound. But that's only because we're really vain and narcissistic.

Anyway, Mike was car shopping after our horrific car accident that we can't really discuss because our lawyer will kill you and probably us as well. He wears a lot of gold chains and smokes cigars so I'm pretty sure he's in the mafia. And obviously when choosing a new car, the most important thing to consider is COLOR! So upon receiving three picture messages from Mike showing his potential new Smart Cars, one white, one green, and one blue, I immediately began to consider the options thoroughly.

"Green would make his eyes look so FIERCE."

"Blue is pretty, but I don't like people with blue cars."

"Ooo the white one has shiny decorations! That could be useful for quick makeup touch-ups!"

My first choice was green, because Mike's eyes are stunning and I could see him flashing those babies, enhanced by the car's hue, at cute pedestrians who would instantly fall in love with him, hop into his Smart Car, and propose with a rock worthy of a Kardashian. I only want the best for him, see?

But then I found out the green car had a matte finish. Um, ew? So white was the OBVIOUS choice. I'm sure you agree.