This is a terrible idea.

The people who know me in real life will tell you that I usually have an answer for everything. If the proper response to a friend's problem doesn't immediately pop into my head, I'm also quite gifted at using the interwebz to find the best (or sometimes funniest and most ridiculous) advice.

This is why I had the brilliant idea of writing a little advice column here.

This, dear readers, means that I NEED YOUR HELP! If you have a problem that you'd like some advice on, email it to me at kayla@mikeandkayla.com.

However, if your problem is something like, "My wife is a cheating whore." I probably can't help you with that. NO! Wait. I can. I know just what you should do about your cheating whore wife.

I guess nothing's really off the table here.

PRIVACY NOTE: I forgot to put this in here initially because I was so excited and wasn't thinking, but OBVIOUSLY your identity will be kept a secret. Nobody will have to know who's airing the dirty laundry on the interwebz. Our little secret. ;)

My inner thoughts while buying lipstick online.

As a beauty blogger, I'm pretty much obsessed with makeup (look for a future post about my ridiculous collection). Admittedly, my spending habits are horrible, and my inner monologues while buying makeup online are nonsensical at best. Here are some conversations between my conscience and I while buying lipstick from several online stores.

Buying a random brand on HauteLook, ideeli, etc. of lipstick for $15:

Me: OMG MAKEUP IS ON SALE!!!!!! YAYYYYYY!!!!!!

Conscience: I've never even heard of that brand and neither have you. Don't you think that's weird given that you're a beauty blogger, Kayla?

Me: But! But! It says a lipstick is usually $50 and they're selling it for only $15!!!

Conscience: OMG!! Why didn't you say so?! BUY ALL OF THEM!!!!!!!!!!!

Me: Even the brown one? I don't think I can rock brown?

Conscience: WHO CARES? IT'S ONLY $15 AND IT'S USUALLY $50!!!

Me: You're right. It must be made out of unicorn blood. *buys*

Buying a MAC lipstick for $15:

Me: Ohhhh I've heard such good reviews and I've seen a TON of swatches of this lipstick! I should really buy it!

Conscience: Isn't $15 kind of steep? I mean it's not even on sale. You should just leave it in your shopping cart so it can perpetually haunt you.

Me: But...but...I really want it. And I know that I'll use it a lot. How come $15 was fine for a HauteLook purchase that I knew nothing about but it's too expensive for a lipstick I know I'll love?

Conscience: Listen, bitch. Who's in charge here?

Me: Right. Sorry, conscience! *doesn't buy but leaves in cart to perpetually haunt*

Buying a NARS lipstick for $24:

Me: Wowww....$24 bucks for a lipstick is a little pricey. Plus I'm pretty sure I already own 20 lipsticks that are extremely similar to this. Buuuuuut I really like the name of the lipstick and the packaging is just gorgeous, sooooo what the helll!!! [A/N: I can't even blame this one on my conscience/voices in my head, I love NARS, mostly because they have the prettiest names.]

Buying a Chanel lipstick for $32:

Me: O_O Must. Have.

Conscience: Seriously, Kayla? Is it really going to be any better than every other lipstick you own?

Me: Shut up, Conscience. Just think about how pretty it will look in my purse. And how cool we'll look applying it in the bathroom at the bar. All of the other drunk girls will be so impressed/jealous.

Conscience: What are you waiting for?! BUY THAT SHIT!!!

Moral of the story: I'm fucked. My conscience loves makeup just as much as I do.

Does this Smart Car make me look fat?

Mike and I rarely do anything without first asking the other's opinion on the matter. I'm fairly certain that I've been asked my opinion on which pair of undies Mike should wear, so when he has a date or something I'm never surprised when I receive picture messages of potential outfit and shoe options to weigh in on. We discuss each outfit like military generals preparing for battle.

"DIE for that sweater but is it too much for a movie date?"

"LOVE this v-neck but what if I'm all bloaty tomorrow?"

"Why in GOD'S NAME do you own CAPRIS!? I don't care if they're European. No you may not wear them! Burn them now."

I realize how vain and narcissistic we sound. But that's only because we're really vain and narcissistic.

Anyway, Mike was car shopping after our horrific car accident that we can't really discuss because our lawyer will kill you and probably us as well. He wears a lot of gold chains and smokes cigars so I'm pretty sure he's in the mafia. And obviously when choosing a new car, the most important thing to consider is COLOR! So upon receiving three picture messages from Mike showing his potential new Smart Cars, one white, one green, and one blue, I immediately began to consider the options thoroughly.

"Green would make his eyes look so FIERCE."

"Blue is pretty, but I don't like people with blue cars."

"Ooo the white one has shiny decorations! That could be useful for quick makeup touch-ups!"

My first choice was green, because Mike's eyes are stunning and I could see him flashing those babies, enhanced by the car's hue, at cute pedestrians who would instantly fall in love with him, hop into his Smart Car, and propose with a rock worthy of a Kardashian. I only want the best for him, see?

But then I found out the green car had a matte finish. Um, ew? So white was the OBVIOUS choice. I'm sure you agree.